Feeling Depressed? Here’s an inspiring story for you, my friend…
My soul sighed, “Lately I been feelin’ so dead in my own skin.”
The story is about me, and my three years of the journey, which had a bitterly cold start.
Some tragic happened, breaking my blowing desire and my rising dreams into tiny bits of ashes, dark enough, to signify the pain I felt, darkest when seen through naked eyes. These ashes kept flying in a little room, for four months, without the touch of sun rays.
This phase in life, as I thought, became my life’s destiny.
If I would burst open, to show you my inner mystery, buried in magical memories, then you will get to admire the fact of my loneliness. You will get to retain the emotions, why I was and will be alone in this short desert of my long life.
It’s that autumn time when I finished my half-yearlies of the ninth. The exam went well except for the fact that the days in the ninth were the days of suffering, bringing back some screaming nights, as I used to get beaten by my cold-blooded fellow schoolmates.
This may be fun for you, but I felt disturbed.
My brain used to vanish off in that reluctant darkness. I also felt obsessed with my inner spirit, that even, the spirit flew off my soul.
I became a lost soul.
Exams were a part of life, but I went into overthinking that God had a real grudge on me. He is the ONE invigilating my present, to drive my future.
My way of accepting the knowledge to isolate was a great blunder I did, to my 64 squares of the life board.
Who were these 64 squares? What did I lose, doing this silly blunder? Did I lose The Queen? Was I able to make up for the loss and promote my miniature talent into a giant-powered Queen?
So, where’s the ship of my soul now?
Is it on the shore, waiting for that huge wave of water to get drowned?
It all started with a scholarship exam, the one I heartedly participated in, the only one for which I dropped my plans to go for an exciting excursion trip.
I studied day in and out, not leaving, even the scary nights to sit idle.
I passed my hard prolonged studies with a good rank. Although I was good in academics, the stones of hard work scattered, when I committed this blunder of isolating myself to drench in the cloudiness.
My inner will itself immersed my desire of studying, whilst creating a path to abandon my hardships.
Although I always felt alone in the barren land of “Schools”, my trials to joining hands with my mates, were a mere failure.
No circle of friendship was ought to be created. But, these extensive and aggressive studies left me, with nothing but some burning coals of dry ice.
Reverting back to that dis-ease I was facing, my mother stood staring at me, feeling startled at my dreadful career. Her emotions were a mixed bag of disaster and distress, with a kind smile on her facial look, to fill my hollow container with positive attitudes.
I broke many TV remotes due to anger, performed childish actions which became the worst instances of my life. Ruining their life became my utmost miserable hunger.
It was like, I wanted freedom from the jail, I was trapped in, and tortured the family for nothing, but to cover my sorrow.
Tearing family off ground, my nuisances left them disheartened. But, they did not hesitate to assist me, with unending support.
I could feel the pain of my younger sister as if she was shaking my heart to wake me from this awful dream.
Was it a dream, I went into, or was it a 3D simulated game, this world was playing with me, not even leaving my family, torturing them to their worst?
I did not know the answers, I was trying to quest for.
My second blunder was my tyrannous decision to ditch the finals of the ninth. It went insane, but listening was not my cup of tea, that day.
Have you done any such blunders? Could you feel the smell of the burning soul, your well-wishers were having? Could you describe what you did, to your entire life? Was the exam actually a blunder? Or, was the situation going out of order?
These consecutive fouls led my class teacher to reach my radii, ringing the doorbell, as if he was ringing off my messed-up life. It was my dirty anger, who refused to even welcome him to my island of injustice.
My boldness crossed the borders, that my suffering mother had to appeal to the Principal to sanction me marks, based on my good academic past.
Ninth was not all, the whole four months of class nine went in clouds, with my skin not exposed, to even a touch of sun rays.
Tenth came as a new chapter for my screwed-up fate, and my dear mother boosted my esteem and courage, to try harder and compensate for all the time loans, I owed to myself.
School back then was my lonely castle.
Teachers allotted me the whole first bench. This allowed others to mock my self-esteem, clearing the dirt off, over the next benches.
It was as if my untouchable soul, rose up to my body, tearing apart the aura.
It felt unhappy back then, but I kept my strong will to tackle it.
During my last months of secondary examination, it was my maa, who grabbed my tiring dreams, from grief, to focus my attention on my studies.
Despite my boosted attitude and maa’s hardships, depression became a big mistake, stealing away all hopes, to gather my broken pieces from all its arms.
It was due to this incident, my intention drove my drowning actions, and it made me leave the entire literature and second language papers of pre-boards, with no dots filled in.
Though marks were never a driving factor for me, mine was below the belts, totaling 42% in the pre-boards.
With the knocking of the doors, banging off the study desk, the crackling sound of heartbeats, and the hopes, trashed in the bin, we all saw the giant board exams, approaching us.
This time too, the support came, not from the society, but from my only mother, who woke up, with me, to nourish my skills, for enhancing my career.
It was godly of my fate, with my contributory family, to fetch me 72% in the finals.
I always wished to make friends but was only lost in the pieces of hatred. This hatred and anti-social ailments helped isolation, become my sole friend. Isolation was doing round turns, from and towards me.
It was an awful day when my family got struck by the tsunami, I brought in their life. They were unwillingly forced to leave me to a psychiatric hospital.
It was full of misery, not able to see the eyes of motherhood, the shoulders of a supporting sister, and the foot of my small family.
The one month of hospital life taught me every bit of hospitality, nullifying any suppressed emotions, bringing positive footprints on my doors of the subconscious mind.
It was then I realized, I had to build a spirit of consciousness, and trust in the fact that isolation is the key element to success.
No one will ever come to support you at your own mistakes or guide you in your failures. It’s you, who has the power to decide, what life should bring to you. That disgraceful month in the hospital changed my life.
I learned this beautiful lesson, that even isolation can bore you of the beaches of misery, but it’s the faith in your self-desire to live long to succeed.
